Prolog
Dear community – forgive that this posting took so long added here. This was to have been a while ago – but a miscommunication between myself and someone who was to edit it for typos delayed its presentation here. And it was to be posted here as one of the conditions of the mediation between these two people.
September 6, 2012
Mediator’s statement
Hello my beloved Occupy/Decolonize Oakland community!
I am Samsarah Morgan and I am many things, however today I a reporting to you as one who was asked to mediate discussion between two members of our community, Stephanie and Tear Drop.
First and foremost, I wish to extend an apology – this statement ought to have been posted approx. 3 weeks ago – but my vacation schedule and a family wedding prevented me from fulfilling this important obligation.
It is a condition of the term of the agreement struck between these two people that this statement be posted in the name of transparency as well as to support accountability for the commitments made.
This facilitated conversation took place approx three weeks ago. Present were: myself, Stephanie, Tear drop, Leslie and Shake…
As I write this I am confronted with the challenge inherent in the quest for transparency. I find myself struggling to use words that convey what happened – but which do not open any further door to any injuries to either party. A challenge, but here I go…
Approx 2 weeks preceding the mediation, there was an altercation in Stephanie’s home. She had provided shelter for tear drop, his partner and children. The arrangement wasn’t a good fit (my opinion) and the result were many incidents of the parties involved not feeling hear on all sides, and Stephanie feeling that the rules and sanctity of her home were being disrespected. She attempted to address this many time to no avail.
A very uncomfortable environment was created with Stephanie no longer being able to feel at peace in her home, and feeling a growing discomfort and concern with Tear drops partner – as well as concerns for the wellbeing of the young children. Tear drop felt concern as he was attempting to be supportive of his partner, care for his family as well as honor Stephanie whom he regarded with affection and respect.
There was an altercation – the upshot of which was that Stephanie was repeatedly struck (how this happened is not agreed upon – but it is agreed that it happened.) Plants were knocked over as well as a television was destroyed.
There were very angry statements made, in front of Stephanie’s neighbors – as well as threats to Stephanie’s safety and the safety of her belongings.
There had been an agreement that Tera drop would chip in towards utilities Approx 50.00 – and she needed a commitment towards payment of these funds.
Stephanie was extremely upset by all of this, as well as what she perceived to be a lack of response from the greater community when she attempted to get support for what occurred.
The mediation involved Stephanie being able to voice all that has occurred in her opinion and feeling. Tear drop was also given the opportunity to speak his truth and be heard by all present.
Results:
Tear drop expresses regret that any of this has taken place. He takes responsibility for what happened at his hands as well as at the hands of his partner – he does this because, he is personally sorry that any of what occurred ever happened and he regrets it all – even though he was not fully responsible for all that happened.
He extended his apology to Stephanie and she accepted the apology – stating again how very difficult all of this was for her, not only due to being struck in her own home, and the resulting sense of being unsafe – but due to having so many in her community judge her desire to support a community member – she stated how comments like “well you shouldn’t have let him in your house” caused her great pain and caused her to feel isolated and blamed for being attacked.
Shake and Leslie, Tear Drop as well as myself offered what support we could – noting how awful this must have felt.
Tear drop confirmed his agreement that he would contribute towards utilities used during his and his family’s stay with Stephanie.
Tear drop offered that her would replace the broken television set. He stated a need to focus on employment – and voiced a concern that texts may be being send to potential employers – thus endangering his ability to care for his family as well as to be in a position to make good in this situation. He wished to know if Stephanie was the person making such contacts with his family member as well as future employers.
Stephanie asserted that she was not – however she would speak with her family member and friends and be sure that no one connected with her was doing this – she voiced that she had no control over others – but could promise that this was noting that she was doing.
Finally, Stephanie and tear drop embraced – and stated the profound sorrow they felt that such a thing had taken place between them, as they had always enjoyed a mother son relationship and felt a deep love for one another. The fact that this discussion was taking place between a Eurpoean American woman and an African American young man, brought tears to my eyes many times as well as the other witnesses to their conversation.
I agreed that I would be following up with tear drop in approx. a months’ time to discuss the terms of the replacement of the TV.
There were closing comments by shake and Leslie – these were statements of respect for both tear drop and Stephanie – thanking them for showing up and for being truthful as well as emotionally vulnerable.
I wish to state here how honored I was and am to be a member of a community so willing to use the principles of restorative justice. It’s all well and good to speak of self-policing as an abstract concept. But to actively turn to it in the face of high emotions and personal and property damage is another matter altogether. All present were beyond brave – scorchingly honest, and above all, showed tremendous love for one another.
This, in my opinion, is the test of any family or community. Not how things work when a good time is being had – but how we address and create spaces for healing, restoration, and reconciliation in the face of insult and assault.
It is my opinion, that both Stephanie and Tear Drop walked with honor and courage – and I thank them.
It is my honor to report this – and will post and follow ups on this matter as they occur.
Peace and blessings to all,
Samsarah Morgan, DD
Counselor, Coach, Mediator and Community midwife
Ps
I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to Nichola Torbertt and the community at Worship House, for the use of their parlor. I feel that the tranquil environment of your space aided our conversation immensely. Thanks and Blessings!
Thanks as well to Shake and Leslie – for being present as witnesses and support persons. Thank you for your respectful presence and wise and thoughtful comments.
I wish state myrespect for both tear drop and Stephanie – thanking them for showing up and for being truthful as well as emotionally vulnerable.
I wish to state here how honored I was and am to be a member of a community so willing to use the principles of restorative justice. It’s all well and good to speak of self-policing as an abstract concept. But to actively turn to it in the face of high emotions and personal and property damage is another matter altogether. All present were beyond brave – scorchingly honest, and above all, showed tremendous love for one another.
This, in my opinion, is the test of any family or community. Not how things work when a good time is being had – but how we address and create spaces for healing, restoration, and reconciliation in the face of insult and assault.
It is my opinion, that both Stephanie and Tear Drop walked with honor and courage – and I thank them.
It is my honor to report this – and will post and follow ups on this matter as they occur.
Peace and blessings to all,
Samsarah Morgan, DD
Counselor, Coach, Mediator and Community midwife
Ps
I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to Nichola Torbertt and the community at Worship House, for the use of their parlor. I feel that the tranquil environment of your space aided our conversation immensely. Thanks and Blessings!
Thanks as well to Shake and Leslie – for being present as witnesses and support persons. Thank you for your respectful presence and wise and thoughtful comments.
Post script: as of 10/20/12
There has been no movement towards the return of the bike, nor television. The two parties have had several calm conversations regarding the matter. I will follow up to see how even a token gesture can begin.
